nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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