is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
