Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
