Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
