Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
