Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
