Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
