I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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