I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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