Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
