you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
