I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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