I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
