dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
