What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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