I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I could fuck to npr.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
