I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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