So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
