Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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