he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
