Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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