i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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