I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
