dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
