Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
