i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
