He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
