I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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