dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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