i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
