I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
