sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Boobs are out for the taking
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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