Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
