By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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