Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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