Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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