On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
