she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
