WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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