Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
