last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
