Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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