Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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