It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
