Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
