You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
