oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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