dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
only if we run a train.
done.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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