I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
