Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
